Anonymous’s Letter: I am unable to feel happy and feel very numb. Not sure if it’s related to certain past traumas or not, but I don’t feel certain emotions anymore. I hardly remember the last time I was happy. Please guide me about how I can feel more connected to my emotions.
Haya’s Reply:
Dear anon,
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you’re going through. It takes courage to name the sense of emotional numbness you’re experiencing—a state that can often feel confusing, isolating, and even frightening. What you’ve described is something many people experience, particularly those who have endured prolonged stress, unresolved trauma, or emotional overwhelm.
The fact that you are reaching out and are self-aware is a positive sign on its own. The first sign of recovery is to recognize the signs.
In response to your query, happiness is an emotion meant to be felt. That doesn’t mean we’ll be happy all the time, but we should experience moments of happiness. If in the past, you have not experienced any kind of emotion, that is alarming.
Understanding Emotional Numbness
The first thing to know is that emotional numbness is not a flaw or a failure—it’s actually your body’s way of protecting you. When emotional pain becomes too overwhelming or lasts for too long, your nervous system may respond by “shutting down” your access to feelings. This is a survival response, not a conscious choice. It’s how your system tries to protect you from pain that felt too big to handle at the time.
This kind of shutdown is especially common in people who’ve experienced trauma. It’s important to understand that trauma doesn’t always look like one big dramatic event. It can be anything that felt too much, too fast, or too soon for your nervous system to process. And sometimes, it’s not just what happened, but how alone or unsafe you felt while it was happening. You might not consciously remember everything that happened, but your body does. As the saying goes, “the body keeps the score.” Every experience we go through leaves a mark in our nervous system.
Identifying the ‘Freeze’ State
Our nervous system has several natural responses to stress: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These are all normal survival states. However, when we get stuck in one of them—like the freeze state—it can lead to feeling emotionally shut down, disconnected, or numb.
From what you’ve described, it sounds like your nervous system might be in a freeze response. This means your body is trying to protect you by staying still, quiet, and emotionally “offline.” It’s not your fault, and you are not broken.
The good news is: just like your system adapted to survive, it can also learn to feel again. Healing is possible. It begins with understanding what’s happening inside you, gently reconnecting with your body, and learning that it’s safe to feel again—one small step at a time.
A Path Toward Healing
The first step toward reconnection is not to force feelings to return, but to gently make space for them. Healing requires creating a sense of safety, connection, and movement again—slowly and consistently.
- Start with safety: Your nervous system needs to know that you’re safe now, even if you didn’t feel safe in the past. Try to build awareness around the micro-moments in your day when you feel even a little safe, calm, or grounded. Mentally reassure yourself: “I am safe right now.”
- Gently reconnect with your body: Mindfulness practices like body scans, grounding, or gentle breathwork can help you reconnect with the sensations in your body, which are the gateway to emotion. Start your mornings with breathwork.
- Name what you feel: Try saying out loud or writing: “Right now, I feel numb,” or “I don’t know what I’m feeling.” Naming it without judging it creates space. Even if it’s “nothingness,” that’s still a form of emotional honesty.
- Use creative expression and movement: Expression and movement are great ways to heal the nervous system. Journaling, music, or light movement like yoga or walking can help you express and release what is stored within.
- Consider a trauma-informed therapist: Therapists trained in somatic therapy, EMDR, or polyvagal-informed approaches can be deeply supportive in guiding you back to a regulated state.
Remember, you are not broken. Numbness isn’t the absence of emotion—it’s your body’s way of coping with too much, too fast, for too long. Coming out of a freeze state is like slowly thawing after being in the cold for a long time. As sensations and emotions begin to return, it may feel uncomfortable, but that’s a sign your system is waking up. Healing doesn’t happen all at once, but gradually and with care. Give yourself permission to move at your own pace. Your body is wise—it’s been protecting you, and with gentle support, it can learn that it’s safe to feel again.
